Step 2: Nirvedam

In the last few Posts, we had discussed with what is Vivekam and how to attain that state.

After a man has become a "vivEki", he is beset with an emotion called
'nirvEdam'. This emotion is the next stepping-stone, the next step Desikan describes in the "parama-pada-sOpAnam".

After attaining the power of wise discrimination, a "vivEki" becomes
aware of

what is really worth pursuing
what is undeserving of pursuit in life;
what will serve his spiritual end
And what will hamper it.

When a person with the above knowledge becomes a Viveki, he would start thinking with "utter regret" about the foolish ways of his past.

He would begin to recollect all the folly and profligacy of youth spent
chasing the trivia of the world, in the mistaken belief that they
were the true sources of enduring happiness.

Such a man would reflect upon the petty ways in which he used to
behave, the cheap earthly things he had hankered after and the
herculean efforts ('asAdhya-sramam') he had exerted to attain them
all.

When he recollects the time and effort lost in chasing such
unworthy things in the past, the "vivEki" cannot help a feeling of
utter self-revulsion. It is this state of mind, filled as it is with
intense self-revulsion, which is described by Desikan as 'nirvEdam'.

In the 4000 Tamil verses of the "divya-prabhandham-s' we notice that
several Azhwars had been inspired by the strong emotion of "nirvEdam"
to expressions of utter regret for the many days of folly that had
filled their past. Out of abject ignorance of Truth and of the Glory
of the God, they wail again and again, they had pursued and embraced
nothing but the falsehood of earthly life ('anartham'), .

The most poignant of such "nirvEdam" verses have been sung by
Tirumangai-AzhwAr in the opening decad of the "peria-tirumOzhi":

"vAdinEn vAdi varundinEn manatthAl
perun thuyar idummpayil pirandhu
koodinEn koodi iLayavar thammodu
avar tharum kalaviyE karuthi?"
(tirumangai-AzhwAr "periya-tirumOzhi" 1.1)

"aaviyE! amudE! ena ninainthu urugI
avar-avar paNai mulai thuNaiyAyp
pAvIyEn uNarAthu etthanai pagalum
pazhuthupOy Ozhinthana nAttkkal?" (ibid. 1.2)


Such 'pAsuram-s' of immense and heart-rending self-revulsion give one
a fair idea of the nature of the 'nirvEdam'-emotion as it envelops
the soul of the "vivEki" and the self-inflicted suffering he
undergoes as a result in his sincere quest of God.

None of us are 'AzhwArs' and will never get anywhere near being even
a bit like them. But then we too, from time to time, in moments of
personal travail or tragedy, do undergo and experience what may be
called "dark nights of the soul", don't we?

This nirvedam comes to all of us when we grow older, especially when our own children whom we had brought up with lots of attention, love and sacrifice start neglecting us. There are many senior citizens who have their children in the States or in other foreign countries pursuing their own careers and life. Such children after having settled down abroad, find no time to take care of their parents living in India. The old parents make a few trips to the other country and to be with their son, only to find that they are unable to feel at home at their son's house.
They find their children have no time to take care of them or in some cases, even to sit and talk to them. They then return to the homeland with a heavy heart.

Such neglect at the hands of children is not confined to only the cases where the children are settled abroad. Even at home the situation is no different. In many cases, the grown up children even living with us have no soft relationship with us. Then the Nirvedam sets in. The old gentleman would start recollecting the time he spent in bringing up those very children who are now behaving distant. And this collection brings a lot of revulsion in mind.

In those moments we become acutely aware how rapidly Time has slipped away from us... and we suddenly begin to see then how far behind we have fallen back in
attaining the true and cherished purposes of our lives.

The question here is whether we can cultivate the Nirvedam even earlier in our lives? Can we live without attachments?